


I know we talked about women in pigtails before, But

by shonens



Category: Manly Guys Doing Manly Things
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-12 21:32:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9091546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shonens/pseuds/shonens
Summary: Spacefuture badasses aren't the only ones who got some problems to wrestle with.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe I'm writing fanfiction for my favorite webcomic, but here we are.
> 
> A short thing I wanted to try and write as ICly as possible.

The sound of floppy sneakers too big for their wearer tread into the office, encumbered with more than enough documents to suffocate a regular fax machine, were it not for the helpful upgrades offered by several cyberjunkies. Jared flipped through the top, having learned by memory which documents to sort from ‘crucial hero-to-villain rehab situation’ to ‘meditation retreat at the local spa’.

“Commander?”

The man in question was hunched over his desk, scrawling out a few signatures for Kratos’ integration into the Norse pantheon. So far, things were going smoothly, almost _too_ well. Maybe thousands of years of distance between him and the Greeks were gonna be good for him? But those chickens sure as hell weren’t going to be counted before they hatched.

“Commander, _Sailor Moon._ ”

“Wha?”

“She’s in the office! I swear it’s her, she doesn’t even go incognito anymore! I got to shake her hand and ask her about her cat and everything. Is she seriously doing community service here?”

That much flecked a smile across his face, putting his cigar down for just a moment as he checked out a photo framed on his wall. It was labeled “Senshi-lead Group Therapy Graduation”, dated last year. “That girl’s one of the best rehabilitators we got, ’n not because she zaps them with a wand, either. She’s got a way with people, her and her whole crew do group therapy with our hardest guys to work with.”

“… She used to be the fourteen year old prancing around Tokyo in a miniskirt,” A slight, uncomfortable grimace crossed Jared’s face. “Why would those guys even listen to her? Don’t you think like, Superman or someone should come in here for that job?”

“Nope,” He flipped to the next page, which headlined sixteen more entitled ‘Property Damage’. “You ever met a magical girl, kid? Magical woman, either or.”

“Haha, well, I’ve mingled at some company parties where I _think_ I got a number.” A brief pause. “It was a costume party, sooo…”

“They are like the gotdamn antithesis of some of the people we work with. Love, justice, empathy. There’s a few bad eggs in the mix, and ya’d think it’d be a disaster to let these girls have a feelings jam with these troubled guys. Turns out once they get past the child hero thing, a lot go on to become amazing counselors for people who’ve let themselves slip to dark places in their quest for justice. Usagi? That lady you met out there? She’s gonna be Queen of the Earth sometime soon.”

“Really? Isn’t that kind of uh— aren’t a ton of people gonna want her to not do that?”

“For this time period?” The Commander snorts, shaking off the ash of his cigar and putting it back to his lips. “It’s gonna be more of a political thing where they let her have this cool castle and territory. Y’see, she’s got a real good resume compared to her competitors for handling aliens without throwing half her crew under the bus or letting any of it harm the Earth. So basically, some people in charge are gonna be like ‘Okay, fine, you’re Queen representative for Earth. Against aliens.’ Which means she’ll just be fending and befriending things off until this era gets a little more street-smart around the extra-terrestrial.” There was a long drag and puff of smoke. “But it’ll be really good. I ain’t demeaning her position for that. The people will love her— as much as anyone could look to the stars and see a guardian of hope. All the spacefuture textbooks I read about her really looked on her reign fondly.”

Jared contemplated this, forcing his gears to click as he absorbed the information. “So no one’s gonna mind that she’s a space matriarch?”

“Would ya mind a space matriarch if they had no impact on yer life aside from making sure we either shoo away or become cool with aliens?”

“Guess not… but if she’s got all that stuff to do, why is she here?”

“‘Cause she wants to help.”

“But— but— _the space future_.”

“Spacefuture ain’t goin’ nowhere. I think she understands that the only way she can heal people for the moment is to talk with them about how hard it is doin’ the ‘losing your friends against a horrible monster’ loop over and over again. She’s got this real way with people that exudes friendship. You’d think some of the toughest guys get all shitty over it, but once they get past their shells, they really open up. She told me once that healin’ people who gave a lot for their personal quests, good or bad— s’least she can do.”

“Huh,” Jared commented idly, turning the chair in front of the Commander’s desk around to sit on. “Are all magical girls like that?”

“Nah. Some get pulled into the same shit our guys do, but they’ve got a really good support network set up all over the world. But I tell ya, there’s this one story I’ll never forget. There was this night Frank Castle was shaking someone down in a bar. Bustin’ his jaw against the table until his teeth were startin’ to scatter. He was cryin’. It was just some addict who didn’t know where Frank’s next target was. And low and behold, there’s this woman in the bar. She’s maybe thirty, but she’s got bright blue hair and she says some gibberish an’ everything goes sparkly and shit and the next thing Frank knows, he just got bashed in the head with a sceptre that looked like a rounded table leg. Didn’t even wave it around or chant. Just clubbed him right in the skull and took the injured guy to the hospital in an ambulance.”

Another bit of smoke passed through his lips. “Probably an older one who couldn’t stand the sight of pain, druggie or no. Those types are an interesting bunch. Seems like the entire crew mostly just wants to make the world better. So I got no problem lettin’ em volunteer. They seem to understand what a hard and necessary job it is just by taking care of their own.”

“Oh.”

There was a bit of silence there, before Jared pulled out a paper from his stack.

“Apparently there are four new Gackts. They just drive around in a black convertible with names like Noctis and Gladiolus.”

The Commander dragged his hand down his face. “Tell me some better news, Jared.”

“I found a recipe online for jello you can make in a gatorade bottle and when you cut off the plastic it still looks like a gatorade!”

“Sure,” The Commander replies, leaning over for Jared to pull it up on his phone. “Show me that instead.”


End file.
